Polyamory Diaries 4: We’re Having Our Best Sex in Years, Just Not With Other People

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Welcome back to the Polyamory Diaries, where we explore the ups and downs of non-monogamous relationships. In this installment, we’ll be diving into the topic of sex within a polyamorous dynamic. Specifically, we’ll be discussing how the sexual dynamics between the primary partners in a polyamorous relationship can evolve over time, and how this can impact the desire to seek out additional sexual partners.

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Rediscovering Intimacy

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One of the most common misconceptions about polyamory is that it’s all about having as much sex as possible with as many people as possible. While this may be the case for some individuals, for many polyamorous couples, the focus is not on quantity, but on quality. In fact, for some, the pursuit of multiple sexual partners can actually detract from the deep, intimate connection they share with their primary partner.

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In our case, my partner and I have found that as we’ve navigated the waters of polyamory, we’ve actually rediscovered a level of intimacy and passion that we haven’t experienced in years. Our communication has improved, our emotional bond has strengthened, and as a result, our sex life has reached new heights. We’ve experimented with new techniques, explored each other’s fantasies, and have found a renewed sense of excitement and satisfaction in our sexual relationship.

Challenges of Adding New Partners

While the sexual connection between my partner and I has flourished, we’ve also encountered challenges when it comes to adding new partners into the mix. Initially, the idea of expanding our sexual horizons was exhilarating, but as we attempted to incorporate other individuals into our dynamic, we found that it often led to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and even resentment.

We realized that for us, the pursuit of additional sexual partners was not enhancing our relationship, but rather detracting from it. We were expending so much emotional energy navigating the complexities of multiple relationships that it was taking a toll on our connection with each other. As a result, we made the decision to step back from seeking out new partners and focus on nurturing and deepening the bond we already shared.

Embracing Monogamish

Through this process, we’ve come to embrace a concept known as “monogamish,” a term coined by sex columnist Dan Savage. This approach to relationships allows for a degree of sexual openness within the confines of a primarily monogamous partnership. For us, this means that while we are open to the idea of occasional sexual encounters with others, our primary focus is on each other.

This shift in mindset has allowed us to find a balance that works for us. We no longer feel pressured to seek out additional partners in order to fulfill some societal expectation of what a polyamorous relationship should look like. Instead, we are content in the knowledge that our sexual connection is thriving, and that our primary focus is on nurturing and cherishing each other.

The Evolution of Sexual Desire

As we continue on our polyamorous journey, we’ve come to understand that sexual desire is fluid and ever-evolving. While the idea of engaging with multiple partners may have initially appealed to us, we’ve found that our desires have shifted over time. We’ve discovered that our deepest fulfillment comes from the connection we share with each other, and that seeking out additional sexual partners is not a necessary component of our happiness.

In conclusion, the Polyamory Diaries have led us to a profound realization: that the best sex of our lives is happening right here, between the two of us. While we may still be open to the idea of exploring new sexual experiences outside of our partnership, we’ve found that our primary focus is on nurturing the passionate, intimate connection we share. And in the end, that’s what truly matters. Thank you for joining us on this journey, and we look forward to sharing more insights from the world of polyamory in future diaries.